Good things come to those who wait…

Or at least I hope so. It’s been almost 2 weeks since the talk and I’m not sure much has changed. Knowing it won’t be an automatic switch, it’s still hard to feel like I got through. While I did get the best foot rub I’ve had in years last night, I’m not sure it was done for the reason I’d hoped for.

Still waiting…

When you find the one you’re going to spend your life with, magic happens. You get butterflies, you smile, laugh and love more than you ever thought you were capable of. You learn from one another through the happy memories, and the difficult times. When you face obstacles you face them together. But what happens when you’ve finally settled in and gotten comfortable and one of you starts to miss the butterflies?

I’ve been in a bit of a “funk” for the last week. I had to really think about how to approach my issue with my husband, but I finally figured it out Saturday morning. I had planned to talk to him Friday, but when the man you love tells you “I’m happy. I love my wife and our little dog and the home we have here”, how do you then say “I’m not so happy?”. I just couldn’t do it. I woke up with it on my mind Saturday though and after coffee and some random show on t.v., I turned to my hubby and bit the bullet.

I am a VERY passionate and romantic person, I always have been. It’s a part of me I let get pushed aside a lot and it finally made its way to the front again. My husband is the logical one. He doesn’t understand flowers and gooshy cards. I’ve been able to learn his “language”. He however cannot get his brain around mine. Romance and “raw” passion do not make logical sense to him and he’s let them completely fall from his vocabulary.

I knew the convesation wasn’t going to be easy or pleasant (I cried, I knew I would), but it was absolutely necessary. If I can make an effort to learn his language, he must be willing to make an effort to learn mine. I probably made him feel awful and it was not my intention to do so, but he needed to know where I was and why I had been so distracted and distant for the last week.

I’ll let you know how it turns out, this will not be an overnight change and I’m not entirely certain we won’t have to visit it again, but right now I’m taking comfort in the fact that he knows and it is up to him to decide where we go from here. I trust him to make the right decision.

So I hardly ever read, I suck, I know. I borrowed a book from a family member, a very popular read right now, Twilight. I finally cracked it open Monday night after having it for several months (sorry Kerri!). I’m now 2 chapters away from finishing it and feel like a 16 year old girl reading it. I’m obsessed with the characters, feel like I’m IN the story and want so badly to go back to High School and date Edward Cullen…it’s ridiculous and I’m very aware of how crazy I am. My problem is I can’t make it go away. I hate when things that aren’t “real” affect me that way, but I especially hate that I can’t just turn it off.

It’s also led to me realizing just how much of a romantic I am and, to no fault of his own, how much my husband isn’t. He has his moments and I love him dearly no matter what, but I keep hoping in the back of my mind that someday he’s going to magically figure out how to be the kind of romantic *I* selfishly want him to be and totally throw me off guard. I realize it’s impossible for him to know what I expect or want if I don’t tell him, but I can’t b/c then it’s not the spontaneous romance I’m secretly waiting for…This too makes me feel like a 16 year old girl again.

As my cousin so perfectly said, I too keep waiting for my hubby to sparkle in the sun…[sigh]

I’m almost thirty, when will I get over this?