I woke up feeling exhausted, I slept like crap last night. In fact, I was so wiped I didn’t hear the alarm go off…that NEVER happens. I’m moody today, I have no patience, need more coffee and am so hungry I think I could eat Denny’s out of their Grand Slam breakfasts…What is wrong with me…
On a side note, I had an excellent day yesterday. Spending the day with the Hubby and friends at Dave & Buster’s was fun. Heather and I rocked the coin machines like nobody’s business. Heaven help Vegas if we ever get there!
And now it’s back to work, which sounds so much less appealing when all I want to do is curl up in a ball w/a caffeine drip and check out for a while. Eloquence has left me…
Several things have happened in my recent life and I’ve been feeling very public as of late. You might just need to get used to the new me, or you can tell me to go to hell, either way it’s cool…
I wander in the infinite internet, a lot. Poking in places, peaking behind curtains, uncovering rocks, generally sticking my nose anywhere and everywhere I can…I’m nosy like that. It has happened a couple times in my nosiness that I find things I wish I’d never seen. Witnessed someĀ heinousĀ violation of “proper conduct” in video, stared at a naked picture, or read something a (once) friend has written, that leaves me wondering why I’m still looking at it, or why I felt it necessary to check at all. Tiny moments that make me pause and say “is it really worth it?”Ā
I’m sitting at work, drinking my afternoon latte and feeling like I haven’t been productive at all today. Really I feel like I haven’t been productive at all the last 3 weeks. I don’t know what my deal is, but I need to get over it and fast. I have a million things to do, maybe I just don’t know where to start. Time to make a list I guess, maybe my friend can help me find a way to put my shit together…maybe.
My grandmother passed away last week. I flew to Florida to attend her wake and funeral. I was accompanied by my mom, who hasn’t flown in 10 years and was scared beyond belief. We made it though, without incident I might add.
It was a tough weekend. I was happy to see my grandpa (Papa) and my Aunt who I haven’t seen in five years, and spend some time with my (step) sister. It sucked that it came this way, but life has it’s subtle reminders for you. Take time, or live with the regret. I get to spend the rest of my life wondering what kind of relationship I could have had with my grandmother (Gramme) had I picked up the phone and called or written a letter. All I have are the memories of an 8 year old girl, blurry though they are, they’re special to me.
The grandmother I remember was not the frail body I saw this weekend. I don’t know what they did to her, but she was not there. I’ve never done well at funerals. I don’t handle bodies very well typically. This time, however, I was ok. I cried and hugged family, but I also said goodbye, something I can’t normally handle. I’m so grateful I could do it this time, I think I really needed it.
After the wake and funeral, we shared stories and memories of days that have long passed, it was nice to wake up in a house that I had only a childs memory of, and it was still the same. The furniture, unmoved, pictures still hung in the same place, the toast and tea for breakfast, everything just like it “used to be”. Though, I am older now, I reverted back to feeling like I was that little girl again.
It was the hardest trip home I’ve had to make, I cried more in the last 4 days than I have in months. Real, genuine tears. I have promised myself I will not let years pass by again before my next visit and I will pick up the phone and call my grandpa more often. He’s such a sweet man, I miss him already…
On my way to Orlando Airport yesterday, my husband called with some grim news of our dog. Apparently he couldn’t move the back half of his body anymore and was dragging himself around. The prognosis was a herniated disc (most likely). He’s on steroid therapy for a few weeks and they are hoping it will heal itself and he’ll be fine. If it doesn’t work, it means surgery and no guarantee that it will help at all. The thought of having to put that poor puppy (he’s only 7) to sleep breaks my heart, but it hurts more to see the sadness that has consumed my husband. Rocky is literally one of his best friends.
Let’s hope this is the end of my thunderstorm and I get to see the sunlight soon.