Archive for the ‘love’ Category

Love at First Sight

Someone has asked for my “love story” with my hubby, so here it is. It’s a long one, and I’m going to have to break it into parts so as to not overwhelm my readers.

JB_Great_America001Love At First Sight

I call it that, but neither of us knew that’s what it was. I met Brian in a hallway of our High School. We were introduced to each other by my boyfriend at the time, who also happened to be one of Brian’s best friends. There was something about Brian from the very beginning that had my attention, though I was already in a serious relationship at the time. We became fast friends and I was gladly accepted to the “group”. I got to hang out with him almost every day after school and during my Junior year (his Senior year) we had classes that were right next to each other, so we chatted in the halls frequently and even ended up on our Great America Field Trip together. Again, this was a totally platonic friendship we had, both of us were ignoring what other people thought was an obvious connection, but we were happily just hanging out.

During my last semester as a Junior I received 3 letters from Brian. As a close, close friend he was starting to notice that my boyfriend was treating me less than kindly and he had a growing issue with it. I was “happy” so I pushed it off. In the last of the three letters Brian admitted that he loved me in that way. I didn’t know what to say, I was in love with my boyfriend, how could Brian love me? It did not change our relationship though, I knew I still wanted to retain our friendship, so I never mentioned it to him.

A few months later Brian went off to college and though he was 3 hours away and I was in my Senior year of High School, I never stopped thinking of him. I only got to talk to him for 30 minutes every other month or so when I remembered to call him and I truly missed the friendship we had built. He came home for the summer and we saw each other a few times, but he had made new college friends that I didn’t know and our relationship was fading.

When he went back to school his 2nd year, we spoke even less and I had let my relationship with my boyfriend consume all of my time. The time between then and when he came home sick is a blur. I don’t remember anything from that gap about him and I. The clearest memory I have is when I found out he was home for an extended period of time his 3rd year into college. He had come home because he was really ill and was undergoing all sorts of tests to try and find a cause. I didn’t start spending any significant time with him until he was in the middle of his “recovery”. My boyfriend and I were drifting and I was finally starting to see what Brian had said in those letters 2 years earlier. Why it had taken me so long to see the abuse, well it’s the stereo-typical answer. I was only getting what I deserved and love is blind, so, so blind.

The more time I spent with Brian the more our friendship started to come back, much the chagrin of my boyfriend who was no longer speaking to Brian. It was just like old times with him and it was so comfortable. The more time I spent with him, the more I began to realize what my heart had felt all along.

One night as I was dropping Brian off at home, we were chatting in my car in his driveway. We were laughing about something or another and I was teasing him that I should just kiss him to see what he would do. He laughed and I did it. I hadn’t felt so many butterflies in my stomach in over 4 years (the time I’d been dating the other guy). I knew I shouldn’t have done it, but I am so glad I did.

Still being in a relationship I wasn’t happy with, I decided I needed to end it. We were moving in two very opposite directions and I wasn’t being treated like I deserved to be. Leaving him, though, would prove to be one of the most difficult things I’ve had to do (more on that in a separate post).

The night before I actually broke up with him, we had a huge fight and I ended up crying on the shoulder of Brian. He was always there for me, as ridiculous as half the stuff I went through was, he never judged me, just always consoled me. That night, we made love for the first time and it was the most wonderful thing. I know that means that I cheated on my boyfriend, but in my mind, my relationship with him was over months before that. That doesn’t make it right and I won’t forgive myself for not having a little more restraint.

The next part of the story is to be continued in another post…

If you wanna know

If he loves you so, it’s in his kiss…

Yep, that’s where it is <3...

Still Waiting….

Good things come to those who wait…

Or at least I hope so. It’s been almost 2 weeks since the talk and I’m not sure much has changed. Knowing it won’t be an automatic switch, it’s still hard to feel like I got through. While I did get the best foot rub I’ve had in years last night, I’m not sure it was done for the reason I’d hoped for.

Still waiting…

This too shall pass….or at least I hope it will


When you find the one you’re going to spend your life with, magic happens. You get butterflies, you smile, laugh and love more than you ever thought you were capable of. You learn from one another through the happy memories, and the difficult times. When you face obstacles you face them together. But what happens when you’ve finally settled in and gotten comfortable and one of you starts to miss the butterflies?

I’ve been in a bit of a “funk” for the last week. I had to really think about how to approach my issue with my husband, but I finally figured it out Saturday morning. I had planned to talk to him Friday, but when the man you love tells you “I’m happy. I love my wife and our little dog and the home we have here”, how do you then say “I’m not so happy?”. I just couldn’t do it. I woke up with it on my mind Saturday though and after coffee and some random show on t.v., I turned to my hubby and bit the bullet.

I am a VERY passionate and romantic person, I always have been. It’s a part of me I let get pushed aside a lot and it finally made its way to the front again. My husband is the logical one. He doesn’t understand flowers and gooshy cards. I’ve been able to learn his “language”. He however cannot get his brain around mine. Romance and “raw” passion do not make logical sense to him and he’s let them completely fall from his vocabulary.

I knew the convesation wasn’t going to be easy or pleasant (I cried, I knew I would), but it was absolutely necessary. If I can make an effort to learn his language, he must be willing to make an effort to learn mine. I probably made him feel awful and it was not my intention to do so, but he needed to know where I was and why I had been so distracted and distant for the last week.

I’ll let you know how it turns out, this will not be an overnight change and I’m not entirely certain we won’t have to visit it again, but right now I’m taking comfort in the fact that he knows and it is up to him to decide where we go from here. I trust him to make the right decision.

[sigh]

I’m going home to an empty house for, what feels like, the millionth time…in reality it’s not, but I’ve noticed how much I hate my “alone” time right now. All I want to do is spend time with the one I love and all he wants to do is something else. We’re already on different schedules 3 out of the 5 work days each week. I’m clinging to every minute I get to spend with him and it feels like he doesn’t mind throwing the minutes away. I’m probably just being selfish and unfair, but I’ve waited 11 years to be able to spend time ALONE with him and now, even though he’ll say it isn’t the case, he’s never here…

Guess it’s dinner for one again tonight…

Ahhh…


Okay ladies, you can all be totally jealous, but my husband kicks some major ass. I had a Chiropractor appointment tonight, which happens every other Tuesday and Brian goes with. Tonight we met, sat down and had our adjustments. After mine, Dr. G. said he wanted them to do some “soft tissue” work on my back, made sense to me b/c it had been really sore the past couple days. I walk back and one of the therapists takes my chart and walks me into a private room (odd b/c normally you just lay in a room with about 3 beds and they work on your sore spots there. She asks how I’m feeling, I say “fine”. She said, “it’s been a while since you’ve had therapy” I agree. She then says “Well you have a half-hour massage tonight” and smiles, then continues with “your husband bought it for you.” I was totally shocked caught off guard, super excited, but at the same time the first thought I had was “oh shit, I haven’t shaved in a week!”….


Needless to say it was one of the best things on this planet that I have experienced. To top that off I get 4 more! My next one is scheduled (with¬†impeccable¬†timing) for next Wednesday….I’ll be sure to shave this time :)